Hi my name is Matt, this is my partner Ana and together we are survivors! “Survivors of what?” I hear you say. “The big Q, Queensland!!” After 4223.5 km we finally made it out. The land of the big crab, the big melon (the fruit, not my head) and the enormous bogan! You have been good to us Queensland. This place has some amazing nature and terrible dress sense. Seriously guys give the fishing shirts a rest. We all loved Agro’s cartoon connection, doesn’t mean we have to dress like him.

Thanks for letting us ride through your ancient rainforests. The Daintree was something special. We got to travel back in time along the Burdekin. The hospitality we received in these parts was second to none. While out there we were lucky to witness how the cattle and women are used for breeding. It wasn’t until we ventured further south that we got to witness the female species being able to roam a little more freely. We loved your country pubs and your 1973 prices despite the piss you poured through the taps. We have had the pleasure of pedalling past your finest food halls like the Mackay KFC and seeing you waiting patiently 20 cars deep. We are survivors of croc country and grateful that they treated us the same as we treated your “surf & turf.”

On our first expedition into a Canelands shopping centre, our thoughts were: “This must be a state made up of many clans”. Well, going by all the middle aged white men with tribal tattoos, it had to be! We got wrecked on Keppel, just like the resort that lays in ruin there now.

Thank you Queensland for providing us shelter during the pandemic. You helped us survive Covid! It made us realise how united a country Australia really is. “We are all in this together”. Unless you are from another state, if that’s the case you’re not welcome here!

We are going to miss your cattle running along the fence line, cheering us on like we were in the Tour de France! Offers of kindness, like a stranger coming up to us at the end of a days ride with a cold beer, were always appreciated. Also your words of encouragement shouted from passing 4x4s “get off the road you fucking dickheads” always gave us a boost during the tough times.

Thank you Queensland for letting Hinchinbrook Island survive, like it always has. Hiking the Thorsborne trail will be hard to top for highlights on this trip. You have plenty of other islands China can build a resort on.

You really are bred tough in Queensland, that tough you write it on your billboards to remind yourself. “Tough times don’t last, tough people do!” Even I felt a bit harder after reading it, and I’m from “Mexico”.

Just like the movement overseas, “black coal lives matter too”. After seeing the bumper sticker in Collinsville we took the knee. Here’s a tip for you Pauline, if you really want to drought proof Queensland maybe stop big business sucking the landscape dry. You and your mates won’t do that though because digging it up and cutting it down is the “only” way you can keep our lights on.

Also a big thanks to Queensland’s own Sith Lord Peter Dutton for granting Ana’s visa while we were on the road. I still think your a bit of a cunt though.

We noticed a difference straight away as we crossed the N.S.W border. On the Queensland side there is a sign that reads “Welcome to Queensland” low key, you just roll in and get on with the fun. This other mob has security cameras up everywhere and the price plan for visiting their parks.

Everything in Queensland is big. The size of the state, the distances between places, the characters and the size of their hearts. We loved seeing your nature up close. Try not to chop it all down. Thanks for letting us ride through. We had a ball!

3 thoughts on “Survivors

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